To the Significant Others of my Female Friends

Where do I begin? This could be one of those very long posts where I explain to you how much you are undeserving of my friend as a lover, or how every other time I talk to your girlfriend I have to end the conversation an hour or two early because I’m so sick of hearing her complain about you. Yeah, that’s right, you.  You are inadequate.  You are the Plan B that is only the Plan B until the Plan A comes along.  If Plan A never comes along, then you pretty much won the fucking lottery.

Here’s where you need to listen carefully.  I could be Plan A.  The only reason you have the girlfriend you do, is because I didn’t want to be Plan A.  It should make sense to you, but since you are a Plan B, I’m going to use words that I know will make sense to you.  These are words borrowed from a twelve year old who resided in downtown Ithaca, NY.

YO! Your girl could be mine, ya heard?

That being said, she isn’t.  She has ‘chosen’ you, and she has ‘chosen’ to remain friends with me.  This means that no matter how wonderful you think you are, no matter how wonderful you are told you are, and no matter how wonderful you actually are, I still offer her something. This is why we remain friends, and why I remain friends with many single/committed women. If you have gotten over that, then you and me are already friends (and that is something I am happy about).  If she doesn’t think you can get over it, then you and me have never met (and we never will).  Don’t get mad at me if we’ve never met, it speaks to her confidence in you, your insecurities, and your ability to grow.  Yup I said it, ya heard?

To the Significant Others of my Male Friends

I know you are a keeper because you’re with one of my friends (I choose them wisely). Take your boyfriends phone and call me. I can usually be found under ‘Simon’ or ‘My Idol’. See above, I’m a Plan A.

I was reading The Economist Technology Quarterly today (do I smell nerd on your breath? It was only one officer, I swear!).  Two articles in it really struck my fancy, one of which this post will be devoted to.  It was an article titled ‘Open Sesame’ (here is the PDF if anyone wants to read the entire article).

The gist of the article was about the Open Source movement and how it’s carrying over from the software realm into the hardware realm.  Device manufacturers are releasing more and more of their schematics to allow the niche communities that know anything about chip schematics to build enhancments for their devices, or utilize them in ways that the manufacturers hadn’t originally planned.  It’s an exciting prospect, and the article glazes over a few such companies and communities that have had success with the model.

My love for all things Open Source is apparent in the way that I work and my natural inclination to tinker with things (and getting to tinker with devices that were designed to be tinkered with can be even more fun).  It’s also apparent in the work that I do, since all of my work is based on Open Source content management systems like Joomla.  But that isn’t the source of excitement for today.

Here’s where you wipe off your drool (sleep drool if I’m boring you, lust drool if this is softcore nerd-porn for you).  The main reason I lingered on this two page article (only two pages for those of you who thought the Google Chrome release comic was too long) was because of the following section.

OpenBooger With Its Pants Down

First of all.  Second of all, ‘moko’ is slang for booger in Mexico.  Do you think that the founder (Sean Moss-Pultz) of OpenMoko knew that he was naming his company OpenBooger?  Third of all, I think it’s time you re-evaluate (chipmakers of the world, I’m looking at you) what having your pants off in public really means.

In a closed system, in a closed environment, in a closed source world, having your pants off in public can be a scary and embarrassing prospect.  The whole world is seeing you sans your pants.  The whole world is seeing something they aren’t supposed to.  But once you change the name of the game, and open it all up, it’s nothing to be scared or embarrased of.  If the name of the game is not wearing pants, and having your source/schematics/chips open (and declaring so), then having your pants off in public becomes the norm. You have nothing to hide, you are succeeding in the open model because you have shed your pants.

It’s a win-win.  You no longer need pants, can sound all world 2.0 with your newly adopted open source model, and your customers will be happy with the added functionality and flexibility that such a model proviedes.  Not to mention you will leave all the Pant Wearers (PW’s) feeling  self-concious.  Afterall, pants that you arent wearing, can’t make your ass look big.