I woke up at around 11:00AM, which unfortunately for me is late these days. It’s only 7:00PM as I write this.  Somewhere in the 8 hours of being awake, I managed to do quite a few things like visit my parents, visit my grandparents (separate activities), and spend $1000 on bedding.  That’s U.S. currency, with a 15% discount already applied.  Allow me to explain.

About a week ago, I noticed a tear down by the feet area of the sheets that were currently on my bed.  It was only 1 or 2 inches long, but a tear no less.  Around the same time a terrible cold front swept in from the North, and I found myself sleeping in two pairs of socks, sweatpants,  a sheet, blanket, and extra sheet on.  In Hawaii.  My pillowcases don’t match either, one is a neutral tan color, and the other is covered in some red flowers, like the pattern you would find on some Royal Doulton fine China from the 19th Century.  I wish I was kidding.

A Tear In The Fabric Of Our Lives

Over the last few days this tear has grown and grown.  I have placed the quarter there for size comparison, it didnt appear there on its own.  Clearly if I had a tear-fairy in my bed that left me money, I wouldn’t have felt the need to replace my sheets.  So a normal person might just switch out the sheets on his/her bed for one of the clean ones that are already in their closet, but not me.  I had had enough of living like you normal people do, content with your 600 Thread Count plebeian pillowcases, and your non-Hungarian Goose Down Comforter.  So I went to Macy’s.

Somewhere in the mix-up I decided that two pairs of sheets (800 and 700 Thread Counts), two pairs of pillowcases, a new comforter to keep me warm, and a duvet cover for the comforter was what I needed.  If the option to sleep like a king of a small-to-medium sized nation was available to me at the very store that I found myself in, then why shouldn’t I cease the opportunity?

A Bed Worth Bankruptcy

Behold, the bedding of your dreams, and also the bedding of my real life.  Sure I’m going to be in debt trying to pay it off, but it’s not like anyone has gotten into serious trouble buying things they couldn’t actually afford, right?  Imagine if the collapse of the housing market had happened like that!! HAHA!!