Tomorrow is Labor Day.  That means you are not working.  I am because I’m self-employed and I get paid by the hour, and if I don’t work for a day I don’t eat for a day.  Do you know why you don’t work on Labor Day? Probably not.  You probably don’t even know what Labor Day means.  You probably think the ‘Labor’ part is in reference to giving birth to a baby.  Yeah it’s national shoot your baby out day, that’s it Google.

No, I’m not telling you to google it.  I’m calling you Google.  What’s that?  You don’t understand?  I’m not surprised, your overall rating for the day so far is: Very Unimpressive. Let’s start with Labor Day.

work, esp. hard physical work

That is what the dictionary has to say about labor.  So why on a day whose name literally translates to Work Day, do you fuckers not have to work?  Cause 101 years before I was born, the Central Labor Union decided that all New York City laborers should get a day off from their work, to celebrate that they work.  A holiday to celebrate your work, by not working.  So pretty much it’s just a day to make fun of unemployed people, except that they blend in because no one works so you can’t even do that.  Great.  I hope you burn yourself on your grill.

Now Google, let me explain why I’m calling you Google.  When your parents were younger and still had friends (this is before you ruined their lives), when one of them did something moronic, their friends would say something to the effect of:

Way to go, Einstein!

If you don’t know who Einstein was, you can’t even read so I’m not worried about you reading this.  The humor in this insult relies on the receivers awareness of the sarcasm that’s being conveyed. Einstein was brilliant, the receiver did something dumb, the insulter calls the receiver by the name of a brilliant man to highlight how unbrilliant he or she is.  This was all great for half a century, until ‘your momma’ jokes came long, and then Internet happened.

See Einstein was the end-all be-all of knowledge until the Internet came along.  Now that we have the Internet, and better yet, a quick user-friendly clean interfaced index of said Internet that goes by the name of Google, Einstein isn’t worth his weight in atomic blast ash particles.  Google knows more in 10 minutes then Einstein knew his whole life.  The bottom line is Einstein is deprecated, and now to insult your friends who do something dumb you call them Google.

Get your pants off, get with the program, and get to work (tomorrow).