In an attempt to get some work done tonight, I hit up my local coffee shop, Morning Brew.  It doesn’t see too much traffic in the hours after 7PM, but the occasionally studier/worker/straggler comes in for some food and quiet.  Tonight, one looker came in holding ‘How To Talk To Girls’.

The book had huge writing on the cover, and was bright red.  Both attention grabbers, like the chick who was holding it.  Who picked that color/design for the cover?  HEY LOOK AT ME, I’M READING A BOOK ABOUT TALKING TO GIRLS, PROBABLY BECAUSE I HAVE INSECURITIES, I HOPE YOU DON’T NOTICE  MY BIG BRIGHT RED BOOK THAT ADVERTISES THOSE INSECURITIES IN LARGE LETTERS ON THE COVER.

I’m sure the girl holding the book was buying it for a friend, since as she was flipping through it, she was talking to the girl behind the counter seemingly effortlessly (and not just when placing the order).  I noticed that the book was written by a male author.  I’m not sure how much stock I would have in a book written by a guy about how to talk to girls.  If he was so good at it, he wouldn’t have been sitting at home writing a book about it, he’d be out flexing his skills, wouldn’t he?  I think she would agree, since she was laughing while flipping through it.

All the guys in the shop were admiring her, most likely while simultaneously trying to figure out a line to use that incorporates the book.  How could you not use it as a crutch in such a situation? “Got any pointers for me?”  “Don’t worry, girls can be intimidating at first.”  “They are just people too you know.”  “So do you come here often?….It’s chapter one.  At least in my edition it is.”  “Do you like it hot?…Your coffee…….Oh, you must not have finished the book yet, he says that would work.”

Anyway, it got me thinking.  There seems to be a manual for everything these days.  Endless amounts of books that create structure and processes out of things that are common sense for many are published every year, and someone must be buying them (this chick did).  ‘How To Talk To Girls’, ‘How To Save Money For Retirement’, ‘How To Give Birth To A Living Child’, ‘How To Pick The Right Nanny To Mother Your Child While You Hit Up The Best Spas In The Country’, you name it, there is a how to book to tell you how to do it.  Any kind of manual for stupid or obvious things, that you are ready and willing to buy with your hard-earned money and actually read.  But when your DVD player breaks, you won’t read the manual, you’ll bring it to Best Buy and pay $100 to have it fixed by a guy who gets paid $10 an hour to read the manual you wont.  Awesome.  Happy holidays!