Today while I was clicking around Facebook (hunting mice most likely) I stumbled across a page that had this ad displayed:

Double Your Dating

At first glance I was pretty psyched, because this David DeAngelo guy was going to “get (me) a girlfriend now.” I don’t even know you buddy and already you’re hooking a brother up!  My eyes then naturally fell to the red and white image of the book/course which read “DOUBLE YOUR DATING.”  Wait a minute David, I don’t think the girlfriend you just got me (immediately) would want me going on ANY dates, not to mention twice the amount I normally do.

Actually David, I have a confession.  By my young age, dashing good looks and deeper-than-the-ocean pockets, you may assume I’ve been on quite a few dates.  Offering to double my dates then, would be quite a tall order.  So for those of you not so strong in the maths, allow me to crunch the numbers for you.

Dates (In Last Calendar Year): 0

Multiplying Factor : x 2

0 x 2 = 0 Total Dates

Wait a minute, you are going to get me zero dates dude? Good thing you got me that girlfriend just a minute ago.

My eyes then fell ever so slightly to the description of the service that this ad-buyer provides.  “Age, looks and money don’t matter.” Phew, now you just need to convince the other 6 billion people on the planet.  “Knowing how to create attraction is the key.” I think you threw out that key of knowledge when you gave up on age, looks, and money buddy. “I teach you how to do that instantly.” Wow, first a girlfriend instantly, then teaching me how to attract other mates instantly, you sir are a pro.  “7 day free trial.” Who needs days 2 through 7 when you’ve taught me all you know in an instant, am I right?!?

At first my “THIS IS A SCAM” alarm went off, but then I remembered that I saw it on the Internet, and the law of Internets reminds us that if you read it on the Internet, it is definitely true and definitely not a scam. Thank god for the tubes in blue.

I just got a newsletter email from Paul saying that it was the year anniversary/birthday of his album release (‘Cycles’).  It seems like it came out only a month or two ago, but after checking my calendar,  it has in fact been a year.  This is ridiculous and also important, for two reasons.

The first reason is that another album can’t be far behind.  In the decade or so that I’ve known Paul, he has been involved with the release of five or six full length albums and countless EPs/demos/singles.  According to this track record, it’s about time for Paul to start working actively on his next album, which is exciting.  Since his move into the heart of the Lower East Side, his sound has gravitated in a very different direction then us old-timers were accustomed to, and that makes the impending album a very new/scary/exciting prospect.

The second reason is that a year has passed in what seems like only one tenth of the time.  His email isn’t the first instance in which time has seemingly flown by.  I am a very logical and practical person, and thus have always known that the more time that passes the less value each passing second/minute/hour holds. For those of you who are no good at maths (or those who are just generally unintelligent), I’ll break it down for you.

• When you are 1 year old, 1 year is 100% of your life.
• When you are 10 years old, 1 year is 10% of your life.
• When you are 20 years old, 1 year is 5% of your life.

What this means it that as you get older, each increment of time is a smaller percentage of the whole.  When you were six years old, and your mom told you that you could get a puppy when you were nine, she said “don’t worry, it’s only three more years”.  If you were smart, you would have reasoned with her in response “mother dearest, that means I have to wait another half of the time I’ve been alive, are you bat shit insane?”  You didn’t though, you cried until Rugrats and Doug came on, and then asked again in another few months.

So now when you have to wait a year or two for something, it’s no big deal.  Products get announced a year or two before they go on sale and it’s standard procedure, people get excited, and no one cries.  Should you though?  It’s only 4% (let’s round up) of your life to wait a year for something you’re excited about, but according to my other calculations it’s 4% of a life that you will only have one of. So you get excited, but just for a day or two.  You don’t hold out, don’t waste the time in limbo, because before you know it the next big thing will come out to be waiting for or excited about, and the funny thing about those 4%’s is that they start to add up.

Here’s to enjoying each and every 4%, sans crying about the waits, and sans waiting all together, and of course sans your pants.