I write to you on the eve of Friday March 27th in the year 2009, this 100th post.  It’s hard to believe that it’s already been 100 posts, and that there are hundreds more I thought of but never bothered to capture here.  If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know I’m not big on milestones or celebrations of numbers that are trivial (for the most part).  Or really planned joyous celebrations of any type (see Birthdays, Weddings, Holidays, etc.). But I’ll indulge in reflecting on milestones and goals for the sake of the 100 posts that came before this, and the 100 that I assure you will follow.

Maybe it’s me fighting my nature, the to-do list planner? Maybe it’s me fighting social norms, my counter-culture inner-rebel? (Never been in an Abercrombie store (actually, there was once, but it wasn’t a big deal, and I didn’t buy anything), don’t even get me started on clothing catalogs where the models aren’t wearing clothes). Maybe it’s because I feel the energy we spend celebrating arbitrary things at planned times could be better spent celebrating meaningful things at random times?  Maybe I just like harder math that accompanies unplanned celebrations?

Last summer I was sitting in my aunt and uncles house in London, gathered with my family from all over, to celebrate the wedding of my cousin.  My uncle Neil asked me now that I had moved to Hawaii and had a job I was happy with, what my goals were.  I told him I had none.  He laughed nervously and thought I was being my normal sarcastic ass of a self (who could blame him really?), but upon inquiring further he began to see how serious I was.  I had/have no goals in the way that he (and most likely you) think of goals.

Over the course of an hour, I told him I was planning on buying a house, but it was not a goal, just a way to save money in the long run.  Up until my move to Hawaii I had set large umbrella goals from time to time as something to look forward to and to work towards, but I decided that when I moved here, I would give that up.  Counter to what my uncle believed/believes, and to what our society at this point-in-time leads us to believe, I believe that such long term goals can be a very bad and ultimately harmful habit.  When I reflected upon the goals that I had held previously, and the goals that my closest friends held dear (some could even say their dreams), I noticed that in many instances they were no longer helpful for me/my friends.

You see sometimes, we spend so long chasing our dreams or our goals that we forget why we are doing so.  We are so focused on not losing site of our dream or goal that we forget why we had set our sites as such in the first place.  I once wrote a fortune (to be placed in a whale) that said “If we spend too long chasing our dreams, by the time we catch them they’ll be tired.” I still stand by that fortune.  So often I find the people in my life so caught up in living for the end-goal, living for the finish line, that they won’t have lived at all until they get there (and by then they may be too numb to live at all).  I see it in the choices they make for ‘better health’ so that they can ‘live longer’ as if the quantity of years is an adequate replacement for the quality of the years. I see it in the choices they make to suffer through some inadequate existence for X amount of years, to get to the position that they ultimately believe they want to be in, only to get there and realize it’s just more of the same suffering for more money and none of which was worth the years they’ll regret not being able to relive or get back.

I realize goals and dreams have their place, but those are obvious as believing we should have them is the norm.  At certain times in our lives, we use dreams and goals to motivate one another (or ourselves) to work towards something we want.  I also realize that not everyone is in a place at their life where they feel they have everything they want (especially not at twenty-five).  I also want to re-itterate that I am a planner, and being a planner, I have planned for the long-term (financially, mentally, physically).  I just haven’t done so to the point that it has impeded on the present at all, and they aren’t dreams/goals or in the name of supporting a dream/goal (I never dreamed of having an IRA when I was growing up, and my IRA isn’t the financial scaffolding of my future dream-life).  So I told my uncle that for now, my goal is to not have any goals.  I used goals/dreams to get me to different points in my life, but I reject the idea that goals are a necessity to keep us motivated from day to day and week to week. I’m open to the possibilities of goals or dreams being a good thing in my life, but for now, my goal is to not have any goals.

For those of you colored unconvinced, I’ve crunched the numbers and the logic is sound.  Plus remember, you are reading this, so I must be doing something right.

Erin arrived today.  She’s the first visitor I’ve had since my 2 month excursion to New York, London and Edinburgh over the summer.  I only found out last week that she’d be fleeing the hustle and bustle of New York City to hang out here for a little bit.

I’ve almost been here a year (next month will be a full 12 months).  I still find myself stopping at random times of the day to say “I live in Hawaii” to myself.  I don’t think I ever won’t.  It’s not that it doesn’t feel like home, it’s just that home feels so good.  Home evokes a good feeling for most, because of the traditional associations of comfort, safety/protection, and familiarity.  But for me, home has changed so often, and sometimes so drastically, that home has always had a tinge of unfamiliarity that accompanied it.

Hawaii is no exception.  I learn something new everyday, I find a new beach, a new place to eat, a new type of plant, or species of reptile, or historical fact.  This happens in the greatest concentration when I have visitors.  Each visitor wants to do different things, see different places, has a different motivation/attitude to their visit, and Hawaii and I accommodate them personally.  One day in Waikiki, 3 days bumming around Maui, 7 days (extended to 10 because your airline went belly-up overnight) on Oahu, they all bring something different to the table.

But usually when I go to visit someone else at their home, they know it all.  They know the history of every store front in their town (the kids clothing store, that used to be a CD store, that used to be a candy store, that used to be a real estate office), find most of the faces walking around familiar, and ‘doing something new’ isn’t even an option.  Here that’s not the case.  Here I get to fall in love with the place I live every time someone comes to visit (and really, every day).  I get to see things for the first time (or the tenth time) through the eyes of someone who has never experienced it before.

In short, I love when my friends visit.  It’s not that I really need the reminders, but when I have visitors I am reminded of why I love my friends.  More importantly I am reminded of why I love Hawaii.