If Boyz II Men made a comeback album/tour (like NKOTB recently did), I sure hope they call it ‘Men II Seniors’.

Tomorrow I say goodbye to one of the longest running relationships of my life.  It’s been a long and rewarding seven years, with it’s ups and downs, but I think it best if we move on.  It’s time for a change, it’s time for us to stop limiting each others potential, it’s time to stop holding each other back.

It started off with all of the wonder and joy that most new relationships do.  I remember the frigid day that I walked into that store in Ithaca and we had our brief but important exchange. I admired you from behind the counter, then proceeded to give you my name, and you gave me my number.  I brought you back to the dorm with me, and I spent the entire night relishing every last centimeter of you, ignoring your minor imperfections because at the time I just viewed them as little quirks that made you unique and one of a kind.

Over the next year or two, it was relatively peachy.  I would speak to you pretty much everyday, and you were always an attentive listener. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact moment where things changed, as the decline in many relationships is such that the increments in which it degrades are undetectable until the entire trend is viewed in hindsight.  But something changed.  You stopped listening as well, the minor imperfections that at first held charm began to wear on me.  I no longer found as much fun in pushing your buttons, and even the way you nibbled on my ear just didn’t posses the playfulness that I had once known.

I’m not a quitter, but I’m also not a settler.  So we went to speak to someone and they recommended we make some changes to our arrangement.  They said the problem wasn’t me, it was you, and that they could make you better.  So I gave it a shot.  Sure enough, I fell back in love with the new you.  The same story unfolded, the same ins and outs, the same excitement and rush followed by the same feeling of stale and prolonged agony.  The boredom of comfortableness, and the haunting question ‘what if there is someone better for me’?

This time, it was different though.  I had grown so used to you and your ways, and felt so helpless about saving what we had, that I started looking elsewhere.  I got plenty of offers, and they had plenty to offer.  Each with their own features, and benefits, it was hard not to seriously consider leaving you for one of them.  I did realize that the grass is always greener, but I also crunched the numbers and the numbers don’t lie. I needed to leave.

Tomorrow, that day has arrived, it’s over.  It will be sad (mostly for me), but I don’t want you to look back with regret or guilt.  You treated me well, you have made some changes where I have needed you to, and I have made some sacrifices as well to make us work.  I’m not going to pretend that there isn’t somebody else, or that she isn’t younger, slimmer, quicker on her feet, more attractive, better featured, or going to cost me less.  She is younger, she is slimmer, she is quicker on her feet, she is much more attractive, she has better features, and she is going to cost me less in the long run.  I will be a happier man, because she will make me a happier man.  But it’s not because of anything you did Verizon, and it’s not because of anything you aren’t.  It’s because of what she is, and what she offers me.  It’s because of what I need.

Always remember, it’s not you, it’s me.

P.S. Her initials are A.T.&T. (I know you’d find out eventually).