July 26th, 2008
Making asses out of you and me
Somebody’s been using a new shampoo! – Ethan Dulles
I’m going to Chicago this week, and I’m going to be staying at my friend Aimee’s. Now that the airlines charge you for the weight of each individual fucking hair on your head, I figured I’d not bring any of my shampoo/soap/toothpaste that need to fit certain size restrictions and be in certain types of containers, to avoid the headache. I know, I know, just throw them in a Ziploc bag, it’s not hard. Well I don’t know about you but the Ziploc ferry doesn’t make stops at the beach hut. I don’t just have Ziploc bags of the right ounce requirement handy because I don’t need Ziploc bags. The great thing about takeout is that it comes in containers that are perfect for leftovers, you don’t even need to have plates.
Obviously I could just get to Aimee’s place and use whatever is available, and she wouldn’t know that I’d been wheezing the juice (I’m a low maintenance kinda guy anyway). But for some reason I decided to ask. Her response was “yes yes yes” which was to be expected, but then it was followed up with “you know that by now”. I did know that, so why did I ask?
I didn’t ask because I actually cared what her response was. If she for whatever reason had said no, I still wouldn’t have brought my own. The response I got implied that I should have already assumed that I could in fact use her shampoo/soap/toothpaste. No big deal, just a small deal.
What other kind of shit should I “know by now” and not need to ask? What do my friends “know by now” and not have to ask me about before doing it? Close friendship is an exclusive VIP club with a long list of unpublished benefits and I think it’s about time someone started making a list. One day I’m going to stumble upon one of my friends doing something that they thought they “knew by now” was okay to do. I’ll ask them to take their pants and leave.
July 27th, 2008 at 12:43 pm
First of all, I would know that you’d been “wheezing the juice” (sounds gross.) because I’m a very observant and conscientious bathroom product user. Second you should also know that the fridge will have enough Coke for you to consume over the weekend and that the Slackers DVD will be out on the coffee table in “ready to watch” position, pints of chubby hubby in the freezer, waiting for you to eat them. Welcome to the close friendship exclusive VIP club…I’m so glad we’re FRIIIENNNS.
PS. I promise not to do anything that would require me to “take my pants and leave”. yikes.